kids

During my recent visit to Melaka, i had lunch at an economic rice restaurant. i always questioned the cleanliness of Malaysian toilets.Sadly, i had no choice that day owing to the urgent calls of nature. While waiting for my turn, something caught my sight. It was a little boy washing plates at the sink.

Me: wa, so clever ar. so young also know how to help to wash dishes.( i think i sounded very aunty, but nvm)

kid: very easy only, just scrub with the sponge, soak in clean water and take it out. ( he was demonstrating it while explaining to me)

Me: *nod nod* how old r u?

Kid: nine.

(Kid's mom came in.)

Kid's mom: go wipe the table outside. i'll do the washing.(kid goes out)

i proceeded to the toilet.

There were a few times when i came across restaurants with children taking my order or serving my food. It amazes me to see these young ones work. or perhaps they simply didnt have a choice.

In primary school, children always get punished for not doing their homework. Laying aside those who are merely lazy, some might fall in the group who are helping out in their family business.

They might not be the best student in class. Sometimes they are not even dressed neatly but they could be the friendliest faces you see in school, not failing to greet the teachers and helping them with the big stack of books.

When i was their age, my parents did not make me help in their shop. Perhaps that was the reason i took many things for granted. i did not treasure what i had and always demanded for more.

stepping into a new page of life

baka's comments gave me some insight today.

i'm turning 20 this year. After completing my stpm, i spent a lot of time thinking and thinking about my future. How i see myself in the years to come and so on. At this point of life, there are still many things left undone.

i still rely on my parents for a living. I need lots of advice in making major desicions. i do not know how to control my emotions at times. I blame others for my faults. i procastinate.

maybe in many ways, i'm still immature. i lie between the line of an adult and an adolesent. sometimes i do not know where to stand. Days pass by, i know i must grow up. This idea freaks me out at times.

Being an adult means i have much more responsibilities to bare , from the words i speak and the actions i take. It also means that i could not run away from problems or ask my parents to help. i need to face it and solve it independantly.

During my early teenage years, liberty was all that i longed for. Now i see that my parents are letting me go step by step, giving me the freedom to experience the world out side. i know they dreaded to. If they could, they wanted to protect me as long as possible. It is now the time for me to test the waters, alone this time.

a not so perfect story

If this is about two best friends, everything could only be written in past tense.

She never had a guy as a best friend before. If anyone were to ask who her bestest male pal was, his name would always pop up without hesitation. She sincerely treasured the way he shared her every heart ache and multiplied all her joy. He was always a phone call away when she needed him. She could do the same too, yet he never seemed to know.

She remembered the twitch in her heart when he said he wanted more than friends. Things would never be the same anymore. There were times when she cracked her head to make him for go his feelings. Mostly making a total jerk out of herself. He made the hurts knew by telling their mutual friends. Ultimately, she was a manipulative loser who only knew how to make use of him. An hypocrete. She kept quiet, knowing this would be the outcome. at least these were the consequences she expected to bare.

It might not be the best way to handle the situation. She struggled between preserving the friendship and breaking his heart. It was contradicting. He thought she never treasured the friendship. If he could have a better and more fufilling life without her, she would choose to for go this friendship. This is the reason she was said to be ungrateful.

Perhaps he failed to look at the side of her story. It was not fair to see someone's life revolve around yours. Moreover when you could not give that person what he wants.

Nothing could be perfect.

eventually, someone has to be the ass hole.

flower power

I remember a scene from a movie/cartoon when i was a little kid. The actress picks a flower from her garden then looked at it with eyes that spoke a thousand words(at a point i was so scared that she was going to eat it) then, she picks a petal and says ' he loves me' another petal saying 'he loves me not' and another and another, repeating the same phrase. If the last petal ends with 'he loves me' she would be so overjoyed. but if it doesnt also nevermine because she could find a new flower and starts peeling all over again. I think i was also a drama queen because i follow suite when i had a crush on my classmate in standard two. Obviously nothing miraculous happened la.

During my early teenage years, i was so crazy over flowers. Maybe it was the mass media who influenced me. (or perhaps my mom..hmm..) When those special special ocassions comes, my dad very geng 1. With no fail, there would be a bouquet of flowers of mom's office desk. Then my mom would say:aiya, y spend so much on flowers.no need 1 actually...er..how much huh?' From her smile(the senyum-senyum kambing type) and her facial expression, i know she is very very syok inside. i'm an observant daughter.hehe..

As i started to grow, this flower craze in me seemed to fade along too. i've learnt that flowers are merely reproductive organs of a plant. i've learn that they will wither very fast too (like a relationship that is not well taken care of) and they r really over priced at specific days. It is so commercialized nowadays that it becomes a must to get ur gf/wife roses during valentines n carnations for ur mom during mother's day. We follow the crowd and sometimes we even don't know y we r doing so.

flower power- it does not have much force left on me these days. and the problem is i dont know y.

could i be patriotic?

Born n bred in Malaysia, i start to wonder how come i do not have that burning passion for my country. Despite the various values that have been instilled into me over my studying years, they never seem to take the expeceted effect. Those Malay and general paper essays that i wrote were total craps to get good results in my examinations. u know la~ the more patriotic u sound n the more flowery words u use, the higher marks u get. down to the saddening fact that i do not mean most of the words i say.Is it the failure of the education system or i m becoming the problematic ones?

We see students with excellent results who could not get a place in local uni for their desired course. We see the unfair treatment in our country. Maybe we r trained to be tolerant and have a mindset that this is the way things should be. After all we know that we could not make a difference and we might just end up under ISA if we have too much opinions. I used to tell myself: How could i love my own country when my country does not love me? The goverment complains the outflow of profesionals and white collar workers. After spending so much time and money into education, who would be so noble to slog their ways for a low income and lousy job? If they could spend so much in planting flowers along the highways, building artistic monuments and demolishising them from time to time, i do not see why these resourses could not be used into the education or welfare of the community. No doubt that the Singaporeans r notorious for their kiasu-ness but at least their hard work could pay off at the end of the day. Go across the brigde, it's a total different story. We study damn hard, so hard that we become confused sometime. We do not know that if there is a purpose for all these effort.

Could i be patriotic? And so i wonder...

sibling rivalry

Have u ever wondered y ur siblings never receive the same treatment as u when u were at their age? Have u ever wanted to scream at their face when they get on ur nerve? Do ur parents always compare u with ur siblings? (be it academically or physically or anything that u could name it.) Well, if the answers are yes, sibling rivalry might exist in ur family.

Wat u say when u get pissed off by ur sibling…
Kids nowadays are smart asses n we could not ignore it. They could put up that innocent look in their eyes when they want something or did something wrong. The parents of course would never fail to fall into that trap. Children never lie. I wonder how true is that phrase? Who knows they might be the next oscar winner. How I wish I could slap right at their face and let them know the pain I feel inside.@#$%

It is pathetic how we see our siblings get all the attention we yearned so hard.

The envious feeling creeps in and we turn into a green eyed monster.

As Asians perhaps we are just not well trained enough to express our positive emotions(especially that of love). Deep inside us there is still a little child who still needs the care and love from our parents, regardless of our age. That is the reason we hate our siblings at certain stages of our lives. I must admit that I had that feeling too at times but when I cool down, I know I must still accept them for who they are. And this includes loving them no matter wat because they are my siblings. And I would feel terrible if anything were to happen to them.

Wonder when was the last time I said this, but still..
I LOVE U, my dear sisters.

a very very long time ago hor~....

When i was still a little kid, my parents sent me to a babysitter. She was a distant relative of mine. I used to dislike her as she forced me to do things i dont like.(eg: taking afternoon nap, eat medicine, take shower) Of course all these r based on a kid's standard.

Maybe i was a 'mafan' kid. i think she ended up boiling water for me to bath.Her son n her need to act as different cartoons so that i would be entertained in order to eat. There were times when i really broke her heart i guess. i still remembered tat i told her : 'my mom is getting a maid, next time i dont need u to take care of me anymore lo~' Thinking back, she was the one who is the closest to me among all the relatives. Even my own grandma couldn't compare to this bond we share.

During the first day of primary school, she was the one who dressed me up smartly. She specially bought two special hair accessories to decorate my hair.red 1. see, i still can recall.hehe. She was there when my first tooth got off too. When i stopped going to her place, her husband told my mom that she really missed me. ' Last time when ping 'oi' was here, she would come n pinch on the food b4 i serve them. now i cook liao also nobody eat..' note that my name is ping wei not ping oi. as she is a hokkien from china, she can't really spell out the word wei.

when u have came to this paragraph maybe u might think that my babysitter is no longer around since i seem so nostalgic. no, no...i m not those type who like to moan and regret about things.so glad to say she is still healthy today. now is my turn to show my care n concern. She is an illiterate so i cant write her poems.hehe.what a waste,aiseh.

anyway love is not merely words. i believe that action speaks louder than words.

think that u love someone? tell them , show them, or else how would they know wo? ( we r only human k?)

the 'F's

With reference to the common belief, the word F is often accompanied by three of his buddies from the alphabets family. They are a powerful combination, i must say.Everytime they make their appearance, it would surely have a certain impact on a sentence or phrase. Sad to say, something else stole their limelight in my case. F is part of the name of two very special people in my lives. Their presence made a difference, unknowingly. Let me address them as F1 n F2.

F1 is someone whom i haf not know for long. approximately two months ago when my results were about to release, i was dead worried about it. carrying the anxiety that i might turn out to be a failure gave me all the sleepless nights. It was about the time F1 walked into my life. He told me a rough account of his story. F1 is not the educated type. He dropped out of school at a young age of 15. After shuffling through a few jobs, he finally found a suitable career path, which is the one he is pursuing at the moment. I could see the burning passion he has for his job when i see him talk about it. deep inside i believe he is going to be a success one day. F1, thanks for the motivation, concern n friendship u offered all along. Please do not thank me for supporting u n trusting u, coz u have been there for me, without u realising. undoubtedly, u will receive the same from me. pal, i m going to miss u after ur departure to australia. hope that would not be the end to our friendship.add oil oh~

F2...if i were to write about him, i would be able to publish a book. but dont worry, i m not going to do it here.hehe.we've known each other for donkey years. so much that he is more of a brother than a friend to me. i would be leaving my hometown soon to further my studies n so would him. This would be the first time we go our seperate ways since we've been classmates since standard one. frankly, i really dont know wat to write about him. words seem to come to a halt when there r too much feelings running through me. if u ask would i miss the days we shared, i would be the biggest liar if i shook my head. i m more than honoured to haf me on ur best friend's list. dun worry, u haf a secured place in mine too.

there goes the two Fs in my life. there r many other good people in my pages. it's just that both of them popped up in my mind today that i have no excuse not to write about them. hehe...

thank u, F1 n F2...

Let Me Go

Fell in love with the song 'let me go ' by 3 doors down recently. i am the odd one who is very specific about song lyrics. to me, a good song is the combination of nice lyrics n soothing tunes.

Back to the song, it is about a relationship that could never happen in reality. For those who has seen the music video, it's regarding a guy who does not know that his gf is a dancer in a nightclub. They used to be a happy couple b4 the guy found out. without me elaborating, i guess everyone knows the ending.

'i dream ahead to what i hope for and i turn my back on loving u. How could this love be a good thing when i know what i'm going through. in my head there's only u now. this world falls on me, in this world there's real and make believe and this seems real to me.You love me but u donno who i m, i'm torn between this life i lead n where i stand. you love me but u dunno who i m, so let me go...'

extracts from -let me go-

during the days where we still had the privillage to enjoy puppy love, a relationship was so simple. u love me, i love u, we hold hold hands n we dream tat we will live happily ever after like the fairy tales. ( maybe nowadays it might not be so innocent as i put it, but compared to those that we go through when we grow up, it's still worth remembering.) at the end of the day, how many would end up with their first love? Few, i believe.

We tend to grow up n there's a time when u would realise that this is not the person u wanna spend the rest of ur life with. The assumption that love is all we need to make a relationship a success will no longer hold. Rationality comes in, 'what would others think if we are together?'. All the WH questions adds us up to singlehood. As i grow up, i tend to be more cautious in seeking a partner.I admit i m not brave enough to trust my intuition any longer. Even with the spark n chemistry, my analysing mind will over rule my heart.

The sepet story has been such a hit. perhaps it teaches us the courage to pursue our true love n passion, which is something we are lacking tremendously. the setting is too perfect to be true. where on earth could we find a vcd seller who could do poetry n has such good results? Could parents in reality be so supportive towards an inter-racial relationship? This is especially true for our dear chinese counterparts. 'eh, u haf malay gf ar? cannot eat pork edi lor~ summore if u marry her kena masuk Islam liao.no good la..bla bla bla....'

another problem is the difference in education level. especially true when the girl is more educated than the guy. When i worked in the local supermarket, the uncle selling waffles once told me: ' aiya, gals no need to study so much la. later cannot get husband or bf. ' then i started explaining to him that the community at large in malyasia are quite educated, we girls need to get ourselves well equipt to find someone compatible. well, i really do not know wat the trend is. For my case, i'll just let nature take it's path. (without losing my mind la, of course) -he he-